My Little Boy

When I was a little girl, I played with my dolls. I was the mother to my never aging plastic dolls. Life was predictable because it was my imaginary world that paved the way for my dolls. As I got older I grew apart from my little doll family. I became a teenager and I began to take care of real babies. I became a responsible babysitter for other people's children. It was a fun way to temporarily live between the world of make believe and the world of motherhood. Now I am a mother. I am responsible for another life other than my own. I have an invested interest in this little boy's future. I wake-up thinking of my son and I go to bed still processing thoughts about him.

Every decision I make has an impact on my son's life. I am now responsible for acting in his best interest for the next 18 years or so. My heart now has a stronger beat because of my little boy.

In the one month and three days of his life thus far, AJ has had vaccinations, colds, and more recently my little boy was circumcised yesterday. Every time his lower lip starts to quiver, my heart melts and my eyes tear. He is my little boy and I hurt when he hurts. It is the hardest part of being a mom.

I would never trade this experience for the world. My son is the light of my life. He has made me a mother and my husband a wonderful father. I honestly am grateful for the love and support from my husband. A lot of women have to 'train' or 'teach' their husbands how to be fathers; I was blessed to have a husband who wants to be involved in every aspect of our son's life...even the diapers.

I can not wait to see the kind of man AJ will grow up to be but I know that for now and forever, he will always be my little boy.

Twenty-six Days Already....

I have been a mother now for 26 days. That is twenty-six days that I can say "ever since I became a mother.." and "since I started to have kids...". Twenty-six days of my new role, I am not only a daughter, sister, grand-daughter, niece, cousin, and wife; I am a mother. The most important job thus far.

I have to say I have learned quite a bit since stepping into my new role. For instance, I can survive on very little sleep, pajamas can be worn all day, you can count your good days by the amount of stains on your clothing from your child's bodily fluids and showers are a gift from God. I had mentioned to my husband the other day, that I have lowered my standards on sleeping environments; I was once described as the princess in the story the princess and the pea. When it comes to sleep, I always had to check that there were no wrinkles on the mattress or in the sheets. I would always make sure that the drawers were all neatly closed and the closet doors' shut, before I could get into bed. Now that I am a mother, I could care less if I had dirty socks on my pillow before putting my head down. (I don't have dirty socks on my pillow, I'm just saying IF I did I would not care that much!!)

I have had many amazing moments in these last twenty-six days, one of them was when I was at a family get-together recently. I had a day in the motherhood, I chatted with some wonderful ladies about their child birthing experiences. It was such a fulfilling and validating moment. I am a mother and I know what it is like to give birth to a child (I fit in). This may seem strange to read but when I was pregnant I had heard a lot of birthing experiences, and at that time I took those stories to heart but in a different way. I thought that I had known what my experience would be like, I would hear the stories and know that I was going to be different. I was never nervous or scared. Now that I had my son at this hen party, I realized how lucky I was to survive and how special each delivery is. Not two people have the exact experience, the best way to prepare yourself is to talk to as many mothers as possible. Knowledge is power and the more you know, the more you empower yourself to make logical decisions.

I would not change any part of my experience for the world. Even though the circumstances were not ideal, I am stronger because of it. My husband and I appreciate each breathe so much more and we are overwhelmed with joy that we have a perfect little angel to call our own.

Twenty-six days, countless diapers, many smiles and lots of love, what an amazing gift.