Looking Back

As I was going through the mountain of baby clothes and baby gear, I came across my journal that I had from the day we decided to start a family. It's funny to look at because I remember having it on my night stand and writing loving thoughts of hopes and dreams (in the beginning!).

Well actually, we decided we wanted to try to start a family last August (2009). I had always thought that becoming pregnant might be hard for me maybe even impossible, but it was something worth trying. Justin and I tend to worry about everything so we wanted to make sure we had a bit of solid foundation before we jumped into the world of babies.

Anyway back to this journal, you can see the frustration increase as the months passed. I am sure the stock market had a large spike because of all of the home pregnancy tests I had bought during this time. The journal starts with a message to our future offspring with a list of names that we had thought of. The second and third month you can see that I was trying to be positive, "well this is not our month but there is always next month...". Then as the fifth month came along there were no more messages, just dates of my menstrual cycle. Eventually the book was put in a drawer and ignored.

Seven months after our decision to try, it was time for my annual doctor's appointment. Justin came along with me so that we could discuss our lack of success with my doctor. Although I like my doctor, I was not happy that she told us to wait and see. Normally if it takes longer than a year then you can explore other options...A year?! Unfortunately patience is something I need to work on :) However unbeknownst to the three of us in the doctor's office, I was already a week into my pregnancy. Weeks passed and I was trying hard to keep a positive outlook, I know there are worse things in life. (Note from Justin : He really enjoyed the practice!...men)  

April 16th 2010 was a day to remember. After two of my childhood friends just had their first little additions a few weeks before, I had noticed that my buddy, Mother Nature, hadn't arrived with her monthly reminder of my failed attempts. I also was convinced that I was sleep walking into the street and having trucks run over my chest as my breasts were so sore and I couldn't explain why. So as I was out shopping on that beautiful Friday afternoon, I really had to use the washroom but before I did that I thought I should run into the drugstore and pick up another pregnancy test. If I had to use a public washroom I might as well have something to look forward to after. So I did the test and put it in a ziploc bag in my purse and went to the card store. ( Of course I washed my hands people, I am a germ-aphob)

The first thing that caught my eye in the card store was a book called "My Pregnancy Journal",  I froze. I quickly took deep breathe and opened my purse, there were two lines on the test, pregnant. I started to shake and I completely forgot who's birthday I needed a card for. All I could think of was I need to do another test but just in case this is true, I should get a card to tell Justin. I couldn't find a "hey honey we're pregnant card" so I chose a 'congrats on your success' card as this was the first day of his new promotion at work. Then I bought a small gray monkey as the other baby items were either pink or blue. As soon as I checked out of the store, I drove to my mother's house down the road drinking every water bottle I could find in the car, so when I got there I was going to take the second test. (Good thing I bought a two for one pregnancy test package!)

At my mother's house I rushed in to take the second test. It was positive, I went crazy! No one was home and I couldn't tell anyone before telling Justin. The anxiety was killing me so I left a message for my therapist on his machine, he had to keep it secret and I had to tell someone! When Justin met me at my mother's house, I had a camera hidden and on record. I got the whole thing on tape! The first words out of my dear husband's mouth were "baby? we're having a baby? Oh my God mortgage? What about my man room? no man room?!"

Now he's excited that his man room is for our little man. But it's so funny taking a look back into the past and seeing how much has changed. Now we look forward to meeting our son. I can't wait to tie my shoes all by myself again :)